Don’t Teach Girls That Being Nice Is More Important Than Having A Voice | Tanvii.com - Indian Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel Blog

Don’t Teach Girls That Being Nice Is More Important Than Having A Voice

Summer Denim Shorts Tanvii.com 

I have had this post in my drafts for almost a month and since has continued to be on my mind, I decided to go ahead and publish it.

I had shared a meme on my Insta-Stories which stated the title of this post. In response on my regular readers responded the below statement, which in turned ended up in a meaningful conversation. The following day I woke up still thinking of our chat and asked her if she'd be okay if I shared our conversation on the blog should I choose to and she agreed.

"I guess it’s getting harder and harder to know what words to use. As a parent to young kids with impressionable minds I struggle. How do you teach them to be kind but not too nice? How do you explain something that’s not appealing to the eyes and not say ugly? How do you get them to see human body without any adjective?" - @gaeaborn

I can understand that ... things have changed from when we were kids and it must be challenging to absorb and then explain them differently than what we had learned. While I don't have to worry about explaining things to my own kids (because) but this is what I tell me younger cousins and nieces and nephews:

1. Being kind means treating everyone with respect no matter what. But if someone doesn’t respect you back you must speak up. And speaking up is not equal to being unkind.

2. If you can’t say something nice about a thing or person, better to not saying anything at all. Valuing people’s feelings is more important than sharing opinions. If something is being asked of you that you don’t find appealing use gentler words and tone.

3. Explain that world and humans are forever evolving. First we thought that earth was flat and then we learned it was round. First we thought human body dictated the pronouns used but now we learn that it is more fluid.

None of us are experts at life. None of us grew up knowing everything about everything. Nonetheless, we should not be afraid of being wrong. We should also teach the same and bring up the kids to have an open mind. As long as we create an environment where they feel safe enough to make mistakes, learn, evolve, and change when the world changes, we've done enough.

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17 comments

  1. Ah this is so true. Girls should be taught to speak up for themselves and not just be nice and sacrifice their own self worth. But there is a fine line between feeling deserving and feeling entitled. It blows my mind the sense of entitlement these days and the mean spiritedness. I am doing a post on this about an "influencer" I met during NYFW who I thought was so nice until after the BLM protests and her sudden change and her posts filed with rage calling everyone who is not working b/c of the pandemic lazy, and this coming from a stay at home pampered housewife that does not work. The level of condescending mean spirited posts was jaw dropping. She finally had to set her account to private from all the backlash. But I was able to screen shot and record her spoken posts before she set it to private. But really the entitlement from this woman is beyond the pale. So I guess too much of a good thing LOL.

    Allie of
    www.allienyc.com

    Allie of
    www.allienyc.com

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  2. I love that top! So pretty with the blue and pink flowers! And yes, I agree - girls (and everyone) should be kind but still speak up when needed. No one's voice should be silenced.

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  3. Thank you for writing about this. I have told my girls this for years but for a good amount of time I didn't practice it myself. Setting boundaries for ourselves and how we are treated is so important. Allowing someone to say hurtful things and put another down is not ok. We should teach that having a voice is important. Speak up, don't take it.

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I totally agree with you that it is so important to speak up and not let anyone walk over you!

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  5. This is the topic we need to share. I am sharing to right now. Girl should be told/taught the right things.
    https://www.melodyjacob.com/2020/08/should-i-still-be-friends-with-her.html

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  6. I have always taught my daughters to be their best selves and to find a career that they love and that they can support themselves with so that they are dependent on NO one. I am a big believer in having a voice and have taught them just that. Thank you for the beautiful post.

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  7. I love, love, love this! It is so important to put a focus on having a voice and speaking up for yourself.

    Rachel
    www.hello-her.com

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  8. This is a really important lesson in all honesty because I always don't want to be "mean" to someone even when I'm uncomfortable, and that is what puts us in danger sometimes. I remember an Uber driver wanting to wait until I "walk into my front door" and I told him that's okay, he can go and he insisted he wait until I walk in because I reminded him of his daughter. I won't let that happen again, but I did not like that experience but I also didn't want to be mean *insert major eye roll -Ada

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  9. I do think it's important to use our platforms to share what we believe in, and I'm glad that's what you're doing here. You also bring up some very important lessons that everyone needs to learn, not just the younger generation. I wish more people would adopt the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" policy. It would remove so much drama from the world!

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  10. It’s so true, and at times, used as a blanket statement without getting into the Hows and Whys of it. I like that your blog covers it from a holistic view.

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  11. I totally agree with what you are saying. I am raising my girls and my son to have a voice.

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  12. I love this message! My daughters are growing up knowing their voice is big and the most important tool they have!

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  13. Truly a great reminder...especially in these times. Being kind yet strong can be tricky at times.

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  14. Yes yes yes!!!! Always speek up if something is bothering you.

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  15. This is such a beautiful post, such an important message and not an easy line to try to find!

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  16. Absolutely love this. Such an important message that needs to land with all young girls, (and even some grown women). Appreciate you sharing this! xoxo, Sarah

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  17. This is so true! I was taught to respect everyone no matter what but now I feel like if someone is disrespecting your or taking advantage, it's important to speak up because that's not okay!


    Lizzie
    www.lizzieinlace.com

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