Do Long Distance Friendships Work? | Tanvii.com - Indian Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel Blog

Do Long Distance Friendships Work?

Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com

“A healthy friendship requires three things from both people: positivity, vulnerability, and consistency,” says Shasta Nelson, founder of GirlFriendCircles, where she teaches monthly friendship classes for women.

Just this afternoon I was thinking, how I have become incapable to making new friends. Or rather making meaningful new friendships. Most are matter-of-fact friendships formed because we found something/one thing in common. It rarely ever dives deep enough to mean something worthwhile. I am someone who strongly believes that young adulthood is the golden age for forming friendships. Those are the times, when we aren’t obligated to our friends in the way we are to our romantic partners, our jobs, and our families.

As we enter middle age, we have more demands on our time, many of them more pressing than friendship. After all, it’s easier to put off catching up with a friend than it is to skip your kid’s play or an important business trip.

I live in U.S. and most of my close friends either live in India, Mexico or in Dubai (Anita!). I’ve officially lived apart from all of them longer than I have lived “together.” And I will admit that it has not been easy to maintain a friendship long distance. Firstly, there is a huge time difference, secondly we are at different stages of our lives. There are no late night drives just because, no showing up at each other’s house because we are bored, and no more getting together for lunch or shopping. Sigh! Adulting it not at all fun, eh? So what does one do? Either give up and let the friendship fall through the cracks or make time for people who you want to keep in your life. Below is how I have tried to choose the later:

Staying connected - Technology is a curse and a blessing. While the idea of messaging and chatting with each other might give an illusion of having a real conversation, but nothing can replace the intimacy of actually talking and listening to each other. But we do try and stay connected through group chats and regular updates when it is not possible to jump on a call or visit each other. But we also try and do conference calls to hear each other's voices on special occasions.

Read books together - On of the fun activities we have frequently tried is to read the same book while living in different countries. Then our respective mornings we share and mention whatever we are thinking about the book with each other.

Plans trips (once a year) - This is one of those things which takes months of planning, since all our lives are running on different schedules and timelines. Few of us can't plan ahead of time, while others can only plan few months in advance. But these are just logistics where there is a will. By hook or by crook we try and make it happen and get real face-time at least once a year. Here are pictures from our girls' trip to London.

Having said that, not all my friendships have survived. Everyone has different priorities, different circumstances, and different needs. While it hurts to know you are not someone's priority, but you soon realize that many aren't your's either. And life goes on. 

So do long distance friendships work? Some do. And some don't. And both those outcomes are fine. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be in it forever. Only memories and lessons are forever!

Photography by Anita
Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com Printed Maxi Tania's Teahouse Dubai Tanvii.com
Location: Tania's Teahouse, Dubai


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27 comments

  1. Long distance friendships are hard! I love these tips for keeping them alive!

    xo,
    Madison | Madison-Fichtl.com

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  2. This is a very important post!

    It's easy to make friends when we're young because school and other social gatherings surround us with people our age with whom it's natural to be friendly. In middle-age, however, most of us lack that opportunity and start to feel isolated. When that happened to me, I made concrete efforts to make new friends and learned how. The most important thing is motivation, wanting to have new friends, because we can: it's simply a matter of priorities. Do we care about it enough to step out of our routine, make an effort and share our lives?

    For me, yes. It is. I will travel to maintain friendships, communicate often to stay in touch and care deeply about my friends' situations. That's sufficient to build rewarding relationships.

    Speaking of which... I plan to ride down to DC soon and hope to say hi during my trip. I'll e-mail you some ideas.

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  3. Long distance friendships do work, but it really takes more effort. That's the sad truth. Still, it's good to keep them if it's worth it.

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  4. I like to think that it does work, though it definitely takes more effort. Since having moved out of my country and to another continent, I still do have friends that we make an effort to talk and see each other when we can.

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  5. A while ago myinnershakti.com (my daughter) suggested to follow you on Insta and today I just thought to find your blog and read this post.
    Such a powerful statement " Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be in it forever. Only memories and lessons are forever." love this. I would think of memories as a multi sector but lessons learned from it (always for me) help to form YOU better.

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  6. This is such a great post! I love the idea of reading the same book at the same time!

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  7. I love this! My best friend and I met via Instagram over five years ago, and we’re still close as ever. She was even in my wedding!

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  8. Firstly, I adore your dress! Secondly those are some great ideas for keeping long distance friendships going!! Being in my 30s many of my friends are starting or raising families and so whether near or far we tend to disappear without meaning to for long periods of time. I am the kind of person who can pick up right where I left off with a friend. I think it's all about having a few close friends you can count on at all times, and then filling in your social circle with people who come and go as they or you please.

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  9. This is a great post and this is awesome ways to keep long distance friendships and relationships alive!! Love the idea of planning a trip together!

    Kileen
    cute & little

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  10. Most of my blogging friends are long distance. Planning trips is always a fun thing to do together!

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  11. I think long distance friendships work. A lot of my friends are spread all over the world and thankfully we've got technology to keep us connected.

    www.fashionradi.com

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  12. I agree staying connected is so important, with technologies we have today, it is not difficult at all to stay connected. Some messages and facetime is all we need to stay connected. Plannng a trip together once a year would do wonders too.

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  13. When I was in 8th grade my family moved away- only a few hours, but still. My best friend had gotten me a necklace that said "Friends forever, apart or together." If only it was as simple as that phrase, right? WHere are you located in the US?

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  14. It definitely can be hard to maintain long distance friendships and some work, some don't. Definitely worthwhile making the effort though.

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  15. We move a TON with my husbands job so this really resonated with me! Love the idea of planning trips together and reading books! Great ways to stay connected in near and far proximities ❤️

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  16. I have friends all over the world and we connect via FB, Instagram or Skype!

    xo,
    Jay

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  17. I would love to take a trip with my friends. They don't go anywhere without their husbands though, and I get it, but still a girl's trip would be awesome.

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  18. Long distance friendships are very hard to keep. I've fell out of a number of really good friendships due to moving out of town and it is always so sad when that happens. I love your ideas for staying connected even when you're so far away!

    xo, Laura
    https://www.have-need-want.com

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  19. all friendships take effort. long-distance friendships can just take a little more at times

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  20. So true...not all the people who come into your life are meant to stay forever. The sooner we realise this the better it is. Also,there's no point blaming anyone for it. People drift apart with time and the ones who are meant to stay will keep in touch no matter what. Good to read your blog after a long time.

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  21. Meeting up at least once a year to go on a trip sounds like a good idea and my folks often only see some of their old friends once or twice a year. It's easy to lose touch with busy lifestyles but no excuse.

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  22. It's hard, but if both people want to maintain that friendship, it works! One of my best friends moved to the mid-west in the late 90's and we are still thick as thieves, even though we rarely see each other in person. With social media, we transitioned from the phone to texting and DM's, but we are still connecting-just in a different way. If you work at it, you can keep those friends forever! I love your idea of planning an annual trip-I need to try this! Also your book idea, need to try it too!!

    XOXO
    Cathy

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  23. Love Love Love this post! They definitely take a lot of work and effort from both parties!

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  24. It can definitely be hard to meet new people as you get older and it's important to foster the friendships you have. Long distance can be hard but I definitely agree with phone convos and planning trips to stay close!

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  25. My friends and I would always do skype dates with wine and movies to connect!

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  26. Loving these tips for keeping them alive! I feel like some of my long distance friendships do the best and are the strongest! I do love having them!

    Denise | Fashion Love Letters

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  27. Firstly, I love your dress! Secondly, such a great post and amazing tips for long distance friendships. I love the idea of an annual trip!

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