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I Love My Own Company And So Should You

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Growing up I remember always having a lot of friends. Friends from school, friends from the colony I stayed in, friends from previous schools I had attended (I had changed quite a number of schools), friends from different activities my parents had enrolled me in. The list was endless. I don't remember a single moment until college when I didn't have a friend I could call or meet up with at any hour of the day.

But as years went by, my friend circle kept becoming smaller ... and smaller. Part of it has to do with my own change in personality and part of it has to do with the number of times I have moved and changed cities in last two decades. It is hard to make a genuine connection or even find the time to build on the connection when you do make one. Personally, in my case, there are two things which have played a role in creating my current social life. One is the decision to not have kids and second that most of my old friends happen to live in different countries and even continents. Making a plan to meet them means having to fly thousands of miles which is not easily possible.

Most people in my age group are friends with the parents of their kid's friends. Or at least they make more of an effort if they know their kids too will have company should you put an effort in forging a friendship. And that is fair enough. We all have limited time at our disposal and we should prioritize according to our needs. But that also meant that I have had to, adapt to my change in lifestyle and choices and learn to enjoy my own company while continuing to live a fulfilling life.

Over the past decade or so, I became my best friend. I started enjoying my own company. I stopped waiting around to find a partner/friend to do an activity or join a class. In the initial years of marriage I did a lot of things with my husband. But everything was not of his interest, which forced me to do things on my own. It pushed me to form a relationship with myself. Today, I am the most important person in my life. Because, let's be honest, if I don't love my company no one else would either.

Last week, for my birthday, I decided to go for a breakfast date with myself. 

A) I love breakfasts and 
B) Everyone had to go to work (it was a weekday) and I had my morning free 

So I decided to make a reservation for one at a local French Restaurant. While doing so I did a poll on Insta-Stories asking if others did the same or thought it was weird to eat alone. About 25% of the people said it was weird to make a reservation for one. To them I want to say, please do not dismiss this before you have tried it. Make a reservation for yourself at your favorite restaurants and show up exactly like you would for any other meal reservation. Personally, I have never gotten any looks or felt uncomfortable from the servers or the guests but should that happen to you, brush-it-off. If you enjoy your food and solitude then who cares how strangers feel? And let me tell you, there are a lot of benefits of eating alone:
  1. You don't have to share your food.
  2. You don't have to make small talk.
  3. You can focus completely on yourself.

But eating alone is just one way though. Over the years I have done numerous things on my own - I joined a dance class, did a handstand workshop, tried boxing, went on a lot of networking mixers, I watch movies alone all-the-time. I love going for walk in spring-fall. Reading, of course is a solitary activity, and one of my favorite hobbies. I have also come to enjoy cooking for one. Who cares if no one else wants to eat what I like. If I like it, that's reason enough. 

The idea is to value myself as much if not more, even when no one is around. I refuse to let society tell me how to live. I make my own rules. Also, I am enough. #DeepMuch? :)

Additional reading:

If you haven't already, you must read Garance Dore’s response to her breakup at 43.


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43 comments

  1. I'm a lot like you. I enjoy solitude - especially compared to lesser experiences with other people. Being alone (on my motorcycle, in the woods, etc.) offers many delights.

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  2. I love this attitude. You know, I think most of the problems people have stems from not being enough for themselves.

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  3. I really need to take note of your advice. I am so used to being around people in work at home with family and friends that when i do rarely get a day to myself i just can't stand it i get bored and usually end up cleaning and tidying or eatin bad food whilst watching tv it is hard to change a habit though but i shall certainly try. Also I'd love to know what a handstand workshop is? Sounds very interesting

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    1. Trust me, once you try and and enjoy it ... there will be no looking back. Handstand workshop/class was with a contortionist and she shared tips on balancing your whole body on your hands. I loved it. Might go back and do several more classes with her in spring :)

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  4. I'm with you and I totally enjoy my own company! I don't mind going out to alone either!

    www.rdsobsessions.com

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  5. So well said girl!! I love spending time by myself so I totally get it!

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  6. After a brutal end to my previous relationship of 5.5 years, I've been spending a lot of time by myself lately. It's been a hard adjustment, but I try to remind myself of the difference in being alone and feeling lonely!

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  7. I like being alone sometimes too. Not for meals, but at other times. I am all about doing what makes you happy!

    XOXO
    Cathy

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  8. I noticed that my friends disappeared after we started getting married and then kids started coming and no one had any time for each other. I started to feel sad and then I found what I love. I signed up for a convention alone and took classes that I loved. On my way home I stopped and ate alone (with my book) and it was one of my favorite things! It has become a tradition.

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  9. I've also become my own best friend. Watching a movie by myself is one of my most favorite things. I'm going to do that later today actually. It's a good thing to be comfortable with yourself, and big friend groups are overrated.

    www.ohtobeamuse.com

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  10. i LOVE being alone. I have a small group of friends, but we're all buys and only get together every few months. being alone is great to me.

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  11. I am all about taking time for myself. I used to be self conscious about eating alone, but the older I get the more I enjoy it!

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  12. Love how strong you are! I agree, quality over quantity is best!

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  13. As I have gotten older, I value time alone with my thoughts so much. It's so important to remain grounded and have time to reflect on life as it moves so fast.

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  14. I honestly love this. I remember when I was younger and dating a lot, thinking the only way to enjoy life was to have a guy around or a friend with me. Now, I'm married, and much prefer time to myself. Though every once in a while it's great to have friends to make plans with!

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  15. As I get older, I find that I love the peace and quiet. Problem is, I spend my time alone working. I would love to be able to pamper myself a bit instead.

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  16. This is such a great post- such an important reminder. When it comes down to it we are always with ourselves so we need to be friends to ourselves, be the kind of person we would want to be around and do the things we love - regardless of whether anyone else can join us.

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  17. Being comfortable alone is an amazing thing, I wish I could say I enjoyed my own company, but I still feel awkward just getting a coffee alone.
    Chic on the Cheap

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  18. Ever since I was young I have always had friends but in the midst of it I also made a point of making to be with myself to be happy within me. It is such an important lesson to learn.

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  19. Everyone always thinks that I'm a super social person but I definitely enjoy my own company just as much as I enjoy others haha

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  20. It’s extremely empowering to eat alone and thoroughly enjoy it! All you have is yourself so you have enjoy the company

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  21. I love this post. A good reminder of self-care and development of ones self.

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  22. I definitely agree that quality over quantity is always more important. I like being alone for a little bit, otherwise, I love being in the company of my husband.

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  23. I think accepting yourself and loving who you are is the most important step to self-confidence. I admit I do enjoy my own company and I am very comfortable with who I am. Great post.

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  24. I think that's wonderful that you feel comfortable enough to go to breakfast alone! It's great you went out there and enjoyed yourself!!

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  25. I too love my own company sometimes. Its taken a while to get to that, I used to hate being on my own at one point.

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  26. Yes girl!! I love spending time by myself!!

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  27. That was a great advice. Sometimes, We just need to give ourselves time to be alone.

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  28. What a lovely read. Being alone is sometimes a good decision. You can have more time with yourself.

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  29. My folks crave more time to themselves sometimes and are also comfortable in their own company x

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  30. This post sums up pretty much me ..I like shopping alone and eating alone too. There is a joy in enjoying your own company :)

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  31. I like alone time sometimes too. It is nice to sit down and decompress once in awhile.

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  32. Honestly, learning to take me-dates is a huge form of self care that I consistently overlooked but is life changing. There's a Mandy Moore song called "Gardenia" that is really relatable to this concept. She says "It's been good getting to know me more." And that's what self care dates are. You getting to know yourself. I'm proud of you! <3

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  33. Thank you for deciding to write this post Tanvii!

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  34. self care is so important. it doesnt do anyone any good to become so burned out, it affects other aspects of life

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  35. The more you enjoy being in your own presence the more of that joy you bring to others.

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  36. Definitely enjoy owning my own company and LOVE the alone time! There is something so amazing about saying you run things yourself. And I love seeing that amazement on peoples faces!

    xo Laura Leigh
    http://louellareese.com

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  37. Yes to all the self-love!! I was single for about 7 years and over that time learned to love my own company instead of being sad about being "alone"! Loved this post!

    -Morgan
    How 2 Wear It [] http://how2wearit.com

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  38. This is an amazing post. I often feel like all the people at the restaurant are staring at me when I eat alone. It is important be confident and enjoy one's own company

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  39. Love this post. My circle is much smaller now I'm in my late thirties - I definitely believe in quality over quantity!

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  40. Love someone who takes pride in what they do. Own it girl! xo

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  41. I've had many meals on my own and it is great being in your own company! More recently, it has been a must for me to retreat and recharge. My mantra has been "I Am Enough" too! (https://www.ellaclarens.com/)

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  42. Interesting post – some great tips and advice here! I will definitely have to take some of this on board to be a more positive person x

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