Why I Don't Like People | Tanvii.com - Indian Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel Blog

Why I Don't Like People


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Recently I was having a conversation about people with someone ... usually we have common views and opinions about stuff and people. She is a great listener and always laughs at my sarcasm which tells me she gets me. So during this one specific conversation when I mentioned (again) how I don't like people, she sincerely asked me, " ... but you must like some people?" To which I responded, "Of course! I like my friends and family ... most of the time. Ha!" ... and then went on to elaborate and share who and what kinda-people I like. At that exact moment I decided this makes for a blog post. Hence, here we are ... 

I realize that by the virtue of duration of time and childhood bonding I like most of my friends, and some of my family. However, if I am being 100% honest (which I am always being) had I met some of them in my life today, I would probably not like them as much. While I believe people come into your life for a reason and not all of them ... in fact most of them ... are not meant to last a life time. They come, we interact, change and grow together and then go our own ways to pursue our own paths. Few people stick around. Sometimes because they won't let you go, and other times because you won't let them go and a few times because your paths will continue to cross with each other's. Those are the relationships that add spice to life and brings joy and sometimes frustration.

Fast forward to the current-cynical-me - I really don't like most people. The more accurate statement would be that I like most people for small increments of time. But then the later does not have the same effect. Ha! 

I like people who want to talk about ideas versus people. I like people who exude confidence with warmth and compassion. I like people who value time and manners and are fair in their perspective. I like people who have the maturity to listen and express opposing views without attacking or offending. I like people who support each other. I like people who are kind, brave, honest and grateful. 

Everyone is at their best behavior for a short period of time but if you spend more than 24 hours with them, their guard starts to go down and their nuances starts getting highlighted. And with time I have zero tolerance for drama, whining, unnecessary gossip, superficial talk, poor hygiene, ill-mannered behavior, even a hint of sexist or racist talk. One would think that it is not such a harsh criteria but I am surprised that most people have more than one of the mentioned characteristics. And there is no way that I would like interact with these people. I'd rather spend my whole life with books.

N.B. With this post dI do not not mean to imply that I have all of the mentioned qualities. This is the person I hope to become one day. I am work in progress. And I like people who too are working on themselves instead of believing that they have it all figured out. 

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Photography via CE Photography

Maxi - Tanvi Kedia via Anthropologie // Same
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35 comments

  1. I always tell people I have great friends but Im not 'friendly'. Its largely because of one sentence you said here "I like people who discuss ideas and not people". Boom - perfect.

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  2. I can totally relate to this, especially as I get older and less social. In hindsight I'm always surprised at how tight my social circle is getting. The smaller it is the happier I am.

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  3. I really don't like many people either. A book and a nice cup of tea are my perfect companions!

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  4. I can definitely relate to this! It seems like society as a whole doesn't seem to focus on all the things you mentioned much anymore- which is unfortunate. Kindness is such a rare quality, but it truly is a beautiful thing.

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  5. I think these photos look amazing. Love the dress and the style of these images. Second, I feel like I can only take people (and being out, in general) for small increments of time. It's part of my introverted personality. After a while, everything and everyone annoys me, lol.

    www.ohtobeamuse.com

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  6. Girl I identify with this post so hard. I'd rather chill at home with my dogs and let my boyfriend be the socialite!

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  7. I like people who discuss ideas and not other people too :)

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  8. I understand completely. I am the same way. Sometimes people just wear me out. On another note, I love that dress. Gorgeous colors.

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  9. Omg! This is scary... I could have written this! Thèse are the exact words I used recently... except that It was in French! (I'm a french native speaker)
    Girl, we could be friends! And I veerrryyyy rarely have this feeling.
    Anyway I initially stumbled upon your blog looking for some indian fusion outfit ideas and I loved the look you presented
    I absolutely love your blog and I am going to follow it !
    (I should have written an email to you instead!)
    Keep going Tanvi !
    Phir Milenge
    Shaila

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    1. Hey Shay! I bet they sounded better in French. Like everything does ... haha Thank you so much for the kind words. I ALREADY like you ;) - Do send me that email though!

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  10. This post really helped me understand why my social interactions are changing the older that I get! Negative energy really affects me and I'm realizing that more often than not, that energy is coming from some of the qualities that you talked about in this post. Honestly, my social circle is growing smaller and I'm pretty okay with that!

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  11. You keep on harping about not liking most people- when infact all you write about is people, yourself and occasionally on staycations that you're sponsored to take. Where's the creativity or ingenuity in that (the kind you look for in people)? Maybe if you'd realize that you're not very different from these people you've decided to dislike from your high pedestal.

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    1. Anuja, I believe something always gets lost in translation when it comes to you and my posts. What you take away from it or rather what you care to share in the comments never seems to be in sync with the intention of my post. There is little I can do about it. Thank you for continuing to read my posts even though you don't agree with me.

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  12. I actually do like people, not as much as cats and dogs ;-) but I do like them. They fascinate me. All those rich layers that you need to peel back to see the real person inside. Some of the layers are tough and bitter so it takes a while to get there though, and sometimes we just don't have time for that, unfortunately.

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  13. Even I feel same. Although it's not a conversation that I can have with insecure beings. I need to be with someone wise to talk about it.

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  14. I believe that we all have our faults and we need to accept and tolerate each other in order to create friendships and relationships. Everyone has their own battles inside that we don't know about and their behavior might be affected by it. I believe in giving chances :)

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    1. I hear ya. You are definitely a more patient person than I am ... I do give people one chance, but after that if it doesn't workout, I choose to maintain a civil distance. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

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  15. That's actually quite funny - I remember saying that almost in those exact words to one of my friends. I like friends and my kind of people, but not just people in general.

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  16. Actually I think I totally agree with you, as we change it isn't always possible for people to get along how they once did. Relationships are a fine example of that. I have a couple people in my life who will be a permanant fixture due to their families ties who, if I had a choice I probgably wouldn't pick to be a friend. I'm polite and civil but not everyone can get a long with everyone - that's just how it is :)

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  17. Hmm... we appreciate your candor. It's not necessary to like everyone and we can have friendships/acquaintanceships of varying depth.

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  18. This title of your post made me lol, but it's so true! My husband and I have found ourselves saying things like "some people" so frequently these days but at the end of the day you don't have to like or be friendly with everyone. It will save you some sanity.

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  19. I hate being around gossip and fake people. Sometimes it's unavoidable because it's family but it can really add a negative attitude to life

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  20. I can relate to this. I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He loves to be around people all the time and I can be around people once a week and be fine.

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  21. I also had phase when I didn't like people, and now I am in phase when I try to understand people.

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  22. I will agree that people change everybody and you never know who you will meet and how experience will effect them, but for the most part, the ones meant to stay in your life will be right there; even if you don't speak to them every day or every week. So, it's good to like some people.

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  23. Tanvi I love your sincerity! And I am honestly 100% with you on your ZERO tolerance section. I can totally see myself speaking ahah! I think we are all a work in progress, and trying to be a better self is the best we can do!

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  24. Well said! A famous quote goes "Want to know your future? Show me your friends." It's a good idea to surround yourself with people who have the qualities you listed.

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  25. This is an amazing post and also I am loving your outfit! So cute!

    XO-Lisa

    www.thatssodarling.com

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  26. Kudos to your honesty. First of all, I have hardly come across such people these days. I am always socially selective. Most of the time, I find it very difficult, where most people get along pretty well with each other. On the other hand, you can get along with people who shares the same interest as you. Now as I grew and over the years have accepted who I am and don't feel it.

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  27. I hate people too sometimes! There are times where I just don't have the patience to deal with people, as sad as that sounds! Sometimes I just want to be home by myself, haha!

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  28. No one's perfect and that is what makes people human. Both my bf and I have friends whom we can't stand yet love at times because of how they behave. We both know that if we are to judge them by our standards, we will not have friends soon~

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  29. I feel like some days I have a love/hate with people too. Part of life, right? Great read!!!

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  30. I've noticed over the last few years that I have a smaller circle than even 5 years ago. Some of it is just life, but I think a larger part is that I've grown & changed as a person (I'm also a work in progress). When that happens, sometimes you evolve into someone that other friends can't relate too or maybe they're just not there themselves. But more & more, I have less tolerance for the kind of people I allow in my life or stay close too. It can be sad in a way, but it's mostly a good thing.

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  31. I understand you. Sometimes it can be exhausting dealing with people. Especially when you're putting your all into a relationship or friendship and you forget about yourself.

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  32. In the way you describe people in this post, /i don't think i ike people much either. I agree with your thoughts and I dont know if you are cynic or just a realist.

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