... With An Awkward Smile | Tanvii.com - Indian Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel Blog

... With An Awkward Smile

12:00 AM

One thing you must know about me is that I never shy away from sharing my opinion or thoughts. That is, if I have one! 

I do not know everything about everything. But if the conversation is about my life choices, or issues in society, or about the books I have read, movies I have seen, then I don't see why I should not share my thoughts about them. However, with experience I have learnt that it is not worth my time to share them with everyone who comes along. Some people are not capable to have a conversation with an open mind. They are already set in their ways. Their uninformed opinion is already made. They are not going to allow you to 'be who you are'. They like the world they know and are comfortable in. I let them exist in their world*, because my path won't cross with their's again (or often) and I do not want the headache that will follow post that conversation.

Recently my path crossed with a woman, who I am guessing was somewhere in her mid-fifties. Her nationality or religion does not matter because this is the conversation I have had ... or rather words that I have heard 100s of times, without contributing a single full sentence in to the narrative. Stereotypically it is always a female, someone in her fifties or more, who has grandkids, and who does not approve of me (or my choice to be kid-free), and feels can change my mind. 9 out of 10 times the conversation occurs at our very first and often the only meeting. So here goes ... 

After sitting with me for less than two minutes: 

The Woman - So ... do you have kids? 
I said - No

The Woman - How long have you been married?
I said - 10 years

The Woman - So why don't you have kids?
I said - ... (nothing!)

The Woman - You should definitely have kids. At least one kid is a must. 
I said - ... (nothing!)

The Woman - If you have kids too late, you get old and don't have the energy to run around with them and bring them up
I said - ... (nothing!)

Then she went on to tell me how many kids every.single.member in her maternal and paternal side of the family has and a few of their kid's stories in detail, which took good five minutes or so ... while I listened patiently (with an awkward smile). 

The Woman - One must have a kid, else what will happen to your name? Someone should continue your name after you are gone. Then people can say, "This is XYZ's kid" and your name lives on.
I said - ... (nothing!)

The Woman - Doesn't your mother say something?
I said - ... (nothing!)

The Woman - I think you should definitely have one kid. Have it for my sake? But please have one. 
I said - ... (nothing!)

Just in time, someone entered the room ... and I took a silent sigh! of relief and took that as my cue to leave the room. 

Let me say this on record that this was my first time meeting her. I do not even know her name. And I said a total of three words in the conversation (if you can call it that) which lasted somewhere around 7 to 10 minutes.

Now on to something brighter and more socially acceptable - my style! Kidding! May be. I am so glad the weather is ready for Maxi dresses. I am IN LOVE with this Joie piece. I can see it being part of my summer-closet-repertoire. You can try it out here before investing in it if you like. ;)  

Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com
Maxi For Summers Tanvii.com
Maxi - Joie // Same
Sandals - Similar
Rings - c/o 7 Charming Sisters
Sunglasses - Elizabeth & James // Same


* I am saying this purely in the context of the conversation mentioned in this post. I do believe I will speak up if I witness any gross injustice being done to others or myself, even if I don't know the person doing so. 

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9 comments

  1. I cant believe u actually had this conversation. When will ppl start minding their own business?
    I love ur outfit..n u look absolutely smashing.

    Aditi
    www.sosaree.in

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been married for 4 years and people have been bugging me with these questions pretty much sucks I got married. The fact that I am still in school doesn't seem to matter at all that or the fact that I might not want to opt for this ever. You are beautiful, accomplished and nothing anyone says really matter. Lots of love ��

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ugh, I hear these conversations all the time! Now I'm guilted for not wanting to have a second child. Having a kid is not the end all be all. Although my daughter is what I love most in this world, I still don't believe being a mother is my highest achievement. Rant Over
    Jessica
    <a href="www.diningtraveler.com>The Dining Traveler</a>

    ReplyDelete
  4. This dress style really suits you. I find it weird that this woman kept talking to you on this subject even though you had stopped responding. How do people not get the hint? I'm not sure exactly where you were, but could you not leave? I don't like when strangers assert themselves onto other people.

    www.ohtobeamuse.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't believe you actually had that conversation!! That's a total violation of you.

    I do love your outfit though!

    Beth || www.TheStyleBouquet.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have been reading your blog for a while and let me tell you something- you have a false sense of superiority over routine and often repetitive things. Your repeated frustration over such conversations reflects poorly on your ability to let someone live with their opinions. If someone has cared to talk to you about something personal, give them the respect and autonomy to choose their stance. Dont like what they? Simply smile and move on. It is as if you need to crib about this over and over again on your blog/social media to get a sense of validation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anuja, if you read the post, you know that I said nothing to the woman and that I did smile and moved on. No where did I disrespect her. But you know what? - this is my space and I can write whatever I want. I do not recall writing any post on this topic in recent history, however even if I did, it would be for venting (and sometimes for archiving such incidents) and not validation.

      Delete
  7. You could have done the same thing.. read it and move one nobody asked for your feedback too.. if you dont like tanvi's blog thats your problem not hers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am first time visitor of your website and it really stuck me to read full article.
    keep it up.
    Regards,
    Reyna
    Buy Fabric Online India

    ReplyDelete

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