Life Is Not Just About Motherhood | Tanvii.com - Indian Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel Blog

Life Is Not Just About Motherhood

12:00 AM

In the last decade everyone I grew up with, (heck even everyone a decade younger than me) has had kids, or is pregnant, or is on their second kid-planning. So all I hear about from my friends and cousins (and even strangers, if I am being honest) is kids this, kids that, kids kids kids and then some more ... kids! 

But what I actually have found common in most of the narratives, from women that I have come across is how consumed they are with motherhood. I have heard more than a few times, how their kids are the best part of their lives or how they have 'completed' them as a woman. 

As someone who does not want kids by choice, my mom is my reference point to all-things-motherhood. I often wonder, if my mom thinks (or thought) the same way? Am I or my brother (or both) best part of her life? - I sure hope not! Life is so BIG. So vast. There are endless possibilities of self-discovery. I hope she has explored them all, and continues to do so. I hope my brother and I are a beautiful part of her life, but not her sole happiness. I hope she knows that she was (and is) complete on her own. We didn't complete her, since she "made" us! Literally. 

I hope motherhood didn't put any brakes on her quest for life, but accelerated it.   


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24 comments

  1. I feel u...n i think it's very brave of u to discuss this in public. I wish more ppl had the courage n support to do what u r doing. Salute.

    Aditi
    www.sosaree.in

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for always being so supportive! :)

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  2. There definitely is more to life than kids.. Though my daughter is definitely the best part of my life at the moment, there are other things that also have been and will be the best parts of my life. Life is made up of all these best parts and I have a very supportive family and of course a very loving kid who never let me stop from exploring work or travel or for that matter anything else. So yes while having Aryaa has been a joy, getting to still live my life is a great joy and life doesn't stop at having kids.

    xoxoxo
    Ritcha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Ritcha! :)

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  3. I think there are so many different ways to love and explore oneself and the world itself. People are so different and all enjoy different things differently. I find it fascinating how people can fully enjoy motherhood/fatherhood/family life, love life and explore the world together in their own way and at the very same time other people can find the same level of joy with life by themselves.
    xo
    Sauniya | Find Your Bliss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Couldn't agree more with you. Live and let live :)

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  4. You're encountering this because of your age-group. In a few years, it will dissipate. Choosing not to have kids is the smartest decision I made in life and I've never regretted it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you are right and I hope it dissipates sooner than later :D

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  5. i'm a mom and totally agree! While my daughter is a huge part of my life and I would do anything for her, I still love many different things in my life. It's possible to have distinct and wonderful priorities in your life. My daughter has definitely expanded my horizons and I will keep on expanding hers as well.

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    Replies
    1. Always lovely to hear your thoughts Aimee :)

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  6. I agree with each and every word.
    I chose to be a mother but then I have my own identity and other things which make me happy.
    I love spending time with my baby but I also enjoy my work and it Keeps me sane and happy.
    Motherhood is tough and is time consuming but worth it, because I chose it for myself. Apart, from that I would always like to keep few things which make me happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Mukta!

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  7. Couldn't agree more, kids and for that matter spouse are an important part of our life but surely we don't need them to complete us! We are complete just the way we are!

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  8. this is so on point - while im not anywhere near in that phase but it is really hard for me to comprehend how kids can be the sole reason of happiness. maybe im too selfish for that, i dont know...or maybe it will all change when i have kids (who knows when that will be).

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  9. I am a long time silent reader of your blog and feel compelled to finally say something. I appreciate the concept of completeness that you have mentioned here. I am a mother of a five year old, and as a late immigrant and a physician, I completed the most crucial phases of my career after having my baby. (I did not feel "complete" until I had achieved my goals career-wise, even though my child is extremely precious to me). My son gives me a lot of happiness, but my career, my hobbies, my interaction with my husband (apart from that involving my son) are all up there in making me feel complete. And I think there should be more to a woman's life besides her kids because kids will grow up and leave an empty nest anyway!

    Anyhow, I need to tell you I was drawn to your blog searching for ways to style kurtis in western outfits years ago. Then I found you were from New Delhi like me and came to the US after marriage in 2007 (correct me if I am wrong), just as I did. Since then I have never missed a single post of yours. Keep posting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO MUCH for coming out of the hiding :) ... and for sharing your thoughts. I am glad to hear from all the mothers on this post!

      Delete
  10. As a expectant mom (by surprise) I struggle with this. One of my biggest fears is that all these years of work, school, and professional sacrifice with be opaqued by being a mom. I already see how people's reaction are way more positive when I post something about being pregnant versus a big accomplishment that took a lot of work and sacrifice. I am having a girl and will teach her that being a mom is a choice, a part of life if she chooses that route, but not the end all, be all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you will be an awesome Mom! Cannot wait to meet your little nugget soon. Xx

      Delete
  11. I was very scared too. I was this insane freedom loving, party girl who shopped, travelled the world but it all changed from the day I conceived my baby. I always thought of myself as a practical, self loving girl. Today, I love my son more than anyone any thing else in the world, but I still love myself more. I never forgot to take care of myself, did things that I enjoyed, I did quit my job but only for 3 months. I made sure I hire plenty of help. basically it takes alot of planning but I enjoy this responsibility and challenge of balancing my personal growth as well raising a boy so much. Times have changed and women are no longer confined to playing just mother or wife. the women today play much bigger and diverse role :)

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  12. This is a great post. I do believe deep down I do not want kids. I think our generation is different in comparison to our moms. We think about ourselves and temporary happiness and believe in making ourselves happy. We also are probably more educated than our parents which means having kids is more of a choice rather than a requirement. I think in our parents generation, their life plan was laid out for them. I'm not sure if that's good for us or not as more and more women are shying away from not only kids, but marriage too. :-( Great post!!!

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  13. This is a great post. Thank you for writing about this. I am at that stage in life when soon everybody is going to expect me to have babies. Whereas truly, mentally I am not sure if I wanna do it (now or ever). U have put in words what I feel too. Babies or not, your life should be about much more than your kids. Thank you.

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  14. Wow, this is very personal, so thank you for sharing. I have put off having kids and after waiting so long as I completed my degrees, got the dream job and saw my husband fulfilling his dreams as well, I've even questioned if ever want children at all. I think I'm ready to, but only one. Haha!
    Xo
    Jeanie
    www.thefashionlotus.com

    ReplyDelete

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