Being vulnerable and self-discovery are two of my favorite activities. So when I came across this article, I knew I had to answer these questions on my blog. The gist of the study is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.
Now I am already pretty "close" to my partner, so let's get closer to each other ... shall we? Feel free to answer any question you like in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Narendra Modi (Indian Prime Minister) &
- Barack Obama (American President, in case you didn't know!)
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Nope. I cherish my personal space and privacy.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Nope. Never. Because ... who has the time?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
I remember answering this exact question three years back. My answer is mostly still the same. Preferably it is a pleasant sunny day which starts with a good breakfast, sweaty workout, all my chores done, emails answered, phone calls made - latest by mid-day. Followed by online browsing and blog-hop in the afternoon, early dinner, a little bit of television and then I'm in bed by 10pm. Perfect Day!
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I am singing right now. Don't know why I am singing this song. Ironically it is freaking cold outside. And I have never sang to anyone else.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Body! ... because lack of energy scares me. And, I hear, wisdom and experience of which comes with age, is precious.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Yes. Ever since I was a kid, I have this feeling that I will die while crossing the road.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- We both hate people in general (Ha! I kid. May be!)
- We both like same kind of music and movies
- We both cherish our easy-going-comfortable lifestyle
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Health & good parents!
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would have wanted myself to be less self conscious and be able follow my dreams unapologetically.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
I have told him my story so many times, in so many versions that I am so sure that he is sick of it by now!
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Razor sharp focus. If I could just have that single-track-mind (pun not intended) I could achieve everything.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Do I die happy with the life lived? OR Do I die with regrets?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Learn dance. Lack of disposable income.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Self-reliance & inner-strength.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
Without sounding like a cliche, I would have to say - Trust.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
All my childhood vacations with my family.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
I don't have any. I view everything as part of the journey.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I would probably buy an around-the-world ticket for myself and my family. I know its just me dying, but I am assuming they would want to spend my last year with me. No?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
When you laugh at things which make no sense to rest of the world, that's friendship!
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Its everything. I cannot function without the two.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- His each cell is instilled with joie de vivre.
- He is supremely understanding.
- He is a feminist.
- He is a helpful and kind human being.
- He is a people's person.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Very close. Very warm. My childhood was the best part about my life so far. I think it was happier than most people in the world. I count that as a blessing.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
We have come such a long way since my teenage. Every year we get closer. Especially, because we both seek wanderlust.
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
- We are practical
- We are addicted to each other
- We share everything with each other
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
... my "real thoughts" with!
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
I am blunt. I am straight-forward. I don't react on things in an obvious way. I don't like being interrogated.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
We already answer this in #22 - very honestly!
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Done. I don't have to share it with y'all!
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
I can't think of the last time I cried by myself or in-front of another person.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
OMG! Like really. Didn't we already answer this in #22
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
People's shortcomings or weaknesses.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
I honestly believe I have told everyone, every thing there is to tell!
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Passport & Wallet - Everything else is replaceable.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Parents. What do you mean why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
We were not interested in this question. Way too serious for us happy-go-lucky people!
Ref: NY Times // Corals & Cognacs
... because I blog and am active on social media everyone around me assumes that I must always be on my phone or computer. to the contrary I rarely have my phone on me. often I forget it in my room and have to run back from my car or grab it. other times it is left by my bed side while I am out and about cooking or running errands. as a result I end up missing a lot of calls and replying late to text messages.
although I give this exact explanation to people, I have my doubts about how much they believe me. I had always assumed that everyone must think I am screening their calls or just plain ignoring them ... until a couple of weeks back, when by husband got locked out of the house, without his keys!
he called ... and called ... and called but I didn't answer my phone. I was in my closet. in my zone. organizing. after an hour I heard someone banging on the house door and that's when I got out to check what the havoc was all about!
I felt so bad. the poor guy was stuck outside. in the cold. and I was right at home but of no help. however, in hindsight, I feel that whole incident at least proved my innocence (in my own eyes!) - I really don't keep my phone around. I practically hate that thing, y'know?!
Shoes - Dolce Vita
Bracelet - Crazy & Co.
Coat - Kenneth Cole
Valentine's Day is less than three weeks away. Can you imagine that? Time is flying (as always!). Here are a few picks for your date night, if you haven't already planned something. I would personally like to step away from the traditional red and pink, but then I still added a couple of them to my list, just in case one of you were on a hunt for them!
You can click on the image below, to reach the product site directly.
Which one is your favorite?
Contrary to popular belief, shopping is NOT supposed to be a hobby! Same goes for eating. I don't know how it all started but somehow we, as a society, are going extremely wrong. Anyways, I digress. I was saying - Shopping is supposed to be a strategy.
This post is mostly for 30+ women (or even 25+ women, who have evolved). Chances are you have filled your closet with hundreds of clothing items over the past decade and yet you stand in front of your closet everyday and say, "I have nothing to wear!"
In my early 20's I had decided I will create a closet filled with quality pieces which I would love for many years to come. It includes a good fitted jeans (I have had these for 10 years now), a killer leather jacket, good quality boots, classic handbags, etc. I'm soon going to be 33 and I can proudly say that I have an excellent functional closet which is filled with quality pieces which can take me from day to night without worrying about trends and whatnot.
Today on popular demand, I am breaking down my process:
Closet Detox - Get rid of everything except what you truly love and wear often. Things that fit you to the 'T' and represent your style should be the only ones which should find place in your closet. Read my post here to get the low down on how you can edit your existing closet to get a head start on getting to that perfect closet down the road.
Find Your Style - I had recently read somewhere that "Don't buy what designers tell you to buy. Buy what the designers wear themselves." These are golden words. If you notice, most fashion designers themselves have a specific style and they often stick to classic silhouettes. Taking the cue from them, find your own personal style. Discover what makes you feel your best in? What do you feel most comfortable in? This might take some time. You will have to be a little observant and a little intuitive. After consciously thinking about your past clothing choices you will be able to find your personal style. Hopefully!
I would describe my style as classic, minimalist with a dash of quirk! This was
probablymost definitely NOT how I would have described my style a decade back but this is what it has evolved into. And going forward this is the theme I would like my closet to represent.
Set a budget - We all are on a budget. If you don't have one then the first step would be to find your monthly shopping budget. You can find my post on budgeting here. Your shopping budget would be a portion of the figure based on your total net earnings minus all your fixed expenses. A budget gives you a starting point to allocate that money according to priority and need!
On Instagram you must have often heard me say, "Shop less, but shop smart!". I truly believe that. For example, now that I have moved to the North East, I need much more heavy duty winter coats, and I refuse to purchase any cheap-acrylic-bullshit. However, I had not budgeted to purchase one since I have no idea I will be moving up north. But I have started saving to buy one next year. i.e. Think Before You Shop!
Choose Quality - Continuing from the above example: A killer closet is built on quality. "Less is more" is the most underrated statement.
Think long term. Think comfort. Think style. Which means you would have to stop shopping at Forever 21, H&M, other high-street sub-quality stores. However, good quality doesn't necessarily mean expensive. Good quality means - good fit, good fabric and hopefully long lasting. To purchase quality you would have to be patient. You would have to save. And you would have to learn -"Less is more".
Choose Comfort - I do not understand painful fashion. I don't see the point of knowingly and willingly buying shoes that hurt you and you can't walk more than 10 mins in them. I don't understand clothes which suffocate you or in which you cannot move/sit. You should be able to "live" your life in your clothes. Your life should not be dependent on what you are wearing any day of the year. Or may be that's just me!
Screw Trends - We all love looking at magazine spreads and wondering how we would look in the "current trend". But before you go dive into the trend do a reality check: is it in-sync with my personal style? does it suit my body type? Will it last me a long time?
Having said that, if there is a trend you do wish you try - go right ahead. These can be the purchases you make for a short-term purpose. Get an instant gratification, wear it for a season and then pass it along to Goodwill (or such!)
Closet Remix - This is very important for everyone who has a limited budget. Your closet should have pieces which can be worn over and over again for various occasions with different looks and outfits. Versatility is very important to build a killer closet.
From my personal experience I can say that style is forever evolving but the key ingredients always remain the same. So while you shouldn't be afraid of experimenting or trying new things but always be true to your style. Wearing something just because everyone else is, isn't a fashionable thing to do. It means that all the marketing they do to sell you things, has been successful. That's all!
Hopefully you found this post helpful. If you would like me to share tips/tricks/opinions on other matters, let me know in the comments below or via the social media and I will see what I can whip up! :)
I don't make any real friends any more. you know those 'forever friends'? the ones you confide in and make promises to be there for each-other no matter what? you know the ones you make in school/college. in my life, everyone is a 'kind-of-friend'. and I don't think that would ever change.
to be close friends you either need common interests or close proximity. and even when those two requirements are fulfilled, there is also lack of patience (on my part) and sometimes lack of interest and/or manners (on others' part). as I grow older I have little tolerance for non-sensical drama and inappropriate behavior. and then I have one-too-many things I don't like about people in general. my logic is that if spending time by myself is more satisfying than being in someone's company then why even bother?
over the last couple of years I have spent a lot of time discovering who I really am. inside. and the more I learn about myself the less I like other people. how weird is that? I wish I knew why ... but for now I am my only friend.
Sweater - GAP (Love)
Jeans - GAP (Similar)
Shoes - ASOS (Options)
Bag - Cuyana (Similar)
1 / 2 / 3
When I bought this skirt, I will be honest, I wasn't sure I would be able to style in more than one way. I got it because it was something I didn't already have in my closet and I loved the cut and colors. Fast forward 1.5 years and I have already got some decent wear out of it. From summer to fall to winter it has been a sure shot winner!
Which is your favorite look? Any suggestions how I should style it next?
You know how sometimes you hear about deals and concepts which sound too-good-to-be-true? That's what I thought about Rocksbox. Until I got to try it first hand. I have been wearing the below pieces for past 3 weeks and while their retail value is over $200 you can have them (on rent) for a fraction.
House of Harlow 1960 Contemporary Cuff - $78
Margaret Elizabeth Faceted Drops in Moonstone - $77
Gorjana Greer V-neck Necklace - $65
THIS IS HOW IT WORKS
1. SIGN UP
Take the style survey and tell your stylist what kind of jewelry you want to wear
2. RECEIVE YOUR ROCKSBOX
Get 3 pieces of designer jewelry handpicked for you to wear around town! Keep and flaunt your gems as long as you want
3. GET NEW PIECES ANYTIME
Swap out your Rocksbox set whenever you are ready for something new - or buy anything you love at 20% off
Special offer for tanvii.com readers - You get the first month FREE by using this code: tanviixoxo. Sign up here!
No obligations, cancel anytime!
How awesome is that? Why don't you give it a try and let me know what you thought?
as it turns out ... being myself is not as easy as it used to be a decade back. in my head I believe that I am strong willed and cannot be pushed around ... but if I am truly being honest with myself (and you) then I have to accept that I have become quite a softball over the years. I often don't say-it-like-it-is in the real life. not because I am scared of anyone, but because of my pursuit for no-drama in life. I thought that the less I lock horns with people the more my chances of getting through life unscarred!
I thought silence is golden. which it is. at most times. but if you stay quiet ... or do not take a stand on anything for a long time then you practically become invisible in your own life. And who wants that?
when you put your own happiness before others people start having problems with you. so I have to find a balance. I have to learn the right 'tone' of addressing my concerns and expressing my opinions without creating drama for myself. which is hard.
The biggest struggle of "being myself" is to be okay with that uncomfortable feeling that you might be pissing someone off! #weekendwisdom
— Tanvi Rastogi (@Tanviidotcom) January 11, 2015
I got fever and cold taking these shots! You are welcome.
High Neck - Ralph Lauren (Another Option)
Sweat Shirt - Sincerely Jules (Same)
Boots - Wanted (Similar)
Bag - Kate Spade (Similar)
Ring - Crazy & Co. (Similar)
I know I made such bold statements about writing and sharing and then I follow it up with a 'shopping' post. What can I say, I caved under the pressure. Plus the 10 degree Fahrenheit temperatures isn't helping either. It got me browsing the web for some stylish winter coats. The brighter the color, the better. Looks like my last year's inspiration is still floating somewhere in my mind still ...
These are the few on my radar. What do you think? P.S. The below images are shop-able direct links. Click on the image to directly reach the product.
usually I can distinctly differentiate between the end of one year and the start of the other. however, this year I have not yet felt that we have stumbled upon 2015. I have just embraced it as a matter-of-fact and moved on. I have infact no even had an issue with the date change while writing - 01/07/2015. see, what I mean?
there is of course no resolution making going on. because. but things have been simply over lapping from Dec. 31st to Jan 1st. everything is intertwined. one thing however, I plan on changing this year is to increase the written content on the blog. though I had mentioned that I plan on decreasing the over all amount of blogging.
I plan to write. a lot. and not only write, but truly share. unburden my heart of all the thoughts and conflicts. I miss the joy of writing whatever comes to your mind without giving a damn about who is reading. I reminisce that from my first year of blogging.
I recently realized that there is a disconnect between what I am saying and what others are understanding. my biggest tragedy. I also felt that in the last couple of years I have built walls around my words and self-expression. I was trying to not stir up controversy or unintentionally offend people. but now I miss writing. so I am going to write. may be ruffle some feathers (or not) but say what is on my mind. share personal anecdotes or just a random passing thought but would definitely like to make the words speak louder than pictures in 2015.
so fasten your seat belts, people! it will be a bumpy ride going forward ;)
Sometimes I wonder why life can't be one dimensional. You know the one goes on in one expected direction of your choice. Of course that would mean lack of adventure and spontaneity but it would mean a lot of mental peace, stability and calm (over all).
When I sit down to make a list of pros and cons I find the former scenario winning ... at least in my books. But I guess this is the structure of the world (?) and it survives on constant change and upheaval. One can always wonder though. Right?
Jacket - Francesca's (Similar)
Jeans - Joe's (Same)
Boots - Donald J. Pliner (Similar)
Grey Ring - Shop Jami
Necklace - via Rocksbox
Every year I get a feeling. Like an intuition, which basically tells me what I should expect in the coming year. Some of the past intuitions I have had have been : change | adventure | growth | etc. There is of course no logic or proof to my theory. It's personal. It's intuitive. It's a matter of perspective and of course looking back I have been able to associate that word with how the year turned out. This year my intuition is telling me "struggle". Now I don't know anything more than that but I am trying to wrap my brain around it and be prepared for the struggle or as we call it in the pop-culture language "da hustle".
Although I have never referred to my experiences as struggle / achievement or as 'ups' and 'downs'. Neither do I think that I am a positive or a negative person. I (honestly) believe that am simply "living" my life because that's what you are supposed to do, you can't spend it lying in bed (or can you?).
I use the analogy that life is like a video game. You face the unknown and try to survive whatever comes your way to the best of your ability. The only difference being, unlike video games you don't get another 'life' or a chance to press restart. So you better live in the present and have no regrets. We all know "the end" of our journey. So why even bother comparing, competing, being hard on ourselves and obsess over what we don't have or the could haves and would haves of life?
If we saw life as an adventure with the second last destination being the mystery (we all know the final destination), it would be so much more exciting. That's how I see my life - The one with Zero disappointment. Zero Expectation. 100% excitement ... So bring it on 2015!
It's going to be a great year nonetheless. Just like all the previous ones. All 32 of them!