Process of Learning | Indian Woman Fashion, Fitness, Food, Style & Travel Photography Blog by Tanvi Rastogi

Process of Learning

1:01 AM

Everybody, Everywear | Pattern Mixing





Top - Anthropolgie [09']; Dress - Banana Republic [09']; 
Shoes - Spring [10']; Belt - Super Old! (Donated it to Goodwill today!)
Bangles - From Here and there!; Bag - Rebecca Minkoff [11']

Recently someone asked me to lend them some advice on marriage which made me realize that I hadn't thought much on this 'topic' for a very long time. Of course I wouldn't have any real pearls of wisdom or anything 'hatke' (special) to say which hasn't already been said. I will be married for four years this July, and after speaking to many bloggers who have been married for over 25 years, honestly 4 years into a marriage = Kindergarten. 

But this is what I
have learnt am in the process of learning, ... so far:

You have to constantly adapt with your partner. As soon as you think you have figured it out something changes - circumstances, locations, likes/dislikes, ... just
something! and you've gotta adapt. No other way around it!

You have to chose your battles
aka save the ammunition *wink*. Of course you are not going to like everything about each other all the time but you cannot possibly pick a fight about everything all the time either, unless you are certified insane! Hence, you chose ... One thing at a time...

Do not make the relationship about tit-for-tat. You are two different people, you will make different mistakes and you have to learn to forgive at different times. Just because one of you made the mistake doesn't mean it is alright for the other one to make the same one
'coz then you are just going to keep going round and round which would make your head go dizzy and in turn make you insane [if you aren't already :P]

Though you have 'vowed'
in sickness and in health but still do not blurt out everything that comes to your mind 'coz it would seriously affect your mental health and I seriously doubt if your other half would remember the 'vow' that instance. Thus, Analyze -> Filter -> Process -> and then Deliver! Trust me it is not all that technical or difficult. 

Whoever said '
do not ever go to bed angry' had clearly not been married ... at least not without few hiccups (read: divorces) on the way. If you cannot think straight and have nothing constructive to add to the argument discussion then my advice would be - just go to bed. You would definitely have cooled off by the time you wake up, and probably grown some new brain cells to think straight. Always works for me...
Feel free to disagree with me 
and/or 
share your pearls of marital wisdom, below.  

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87 comments

  1. Wow. Great post. Even though I'm not married, I have a boyfriend and I found myself nodding at many points.

    Btw, I've been following your blog since your interview in Cosmo and its fabulous. You look great!!

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  2. I've been in a relationship for 3 years now & I completely agree - Great post & love that bag :D

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  3. I loove your dress! I wish it belonged in my closet!

    And lol@the use of 'hatke' ;)

    Also, my bf and I always try to NOT go to bed angry at each other but I think I agree with your view more now. Hmm...

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  4. Yea.. its a continuous process of learning.. and i agree with your last point. By morning i usually even forget what the fight was about! No relationship will last long unless you nurture it daily :)

    love the bag.. and you seriously find awesome locations for shoots!

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  5. You have very beautiful hair and skin .Once again i loved your shoes.Some good marital advices .
    Have a happy and stylish Sunday .

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  6. Hmmm...Good advice. You look taller in these pictures :)

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  7. Love that last picture, so cute!
    mAXI SKIT and PRINT ON PRINT nice! :D

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  8. Love the bag T and the last shot, so cute!

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  9. Great points! I am celebrating 4 years of wedded bliss this September :-)

    I would add that you should not try to change your partner (and vice versa). Some people think that when they get married their partners will change certain habits. That doesnt ever happen as change has to come from within.

    So if you put up with before the wedding, then dont complain after the vows have been said. haha.

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  10. Loving the last picture! & though I'm not married or even committed, I quite agree with you on your views about being in a relationship.

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  11. Hehe, loved reading your Marriage pearls of wisdom. Will write them down for when I eventually get married!
    You look great as well. The maxi dress is really pretty, and it goes so well with the polka dot top.
    Also, LOVE that last picture of you!

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  12. Thanks for the advice! and I just love the shoes you have on in the last pic.

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  13. great advice, lady. I especially like what you said about going to bed. I have a tendency to want to talk everything out immediately and sometimes, it isn't always the best idea. Thank you for your honesty.

    xo.

    Angie

    thehotnessyourmommawarnedyouabout.blogspot.com

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  14. Excellent advise, dear lady.
    There is no real formula for marriage as different things work for different people.

    And we all have different wants and needs. But we should not try to change the other. Acceptance is my constant companion. xx

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  15. I love the summery outfit! :) And that marriage advice actually sounds like it would work for a lot of relationships! :)
    XX

    http://fortheloveoffashionandotherthings.blogspot.com

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  16. very nicely written... Every relationship needs some adjustments from both the parters and if thay can successfully do that, relationship is successful....
    however 'do not ever go to bed angry' fits exactly on me and i cannot even cooled off by the morning also.. :(

    nice maxi dress and very very cute handbag..

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  17. Loving the print on print! I am completely in awe of the way you pull this trend off so well each time!! :)

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  18. Great post, love that striped maxi dress.

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  19. great marital tips! i also really love your maxi and the RM purse!

    cute & little

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  20. Beautiful outfit Tanvi, love the print on print:) Very wise tips for marriage too. Mine is be each other's best friend and laugh together a lot. When we fight, hubby and I have a favorite thing to say, which makes the other one giggle - "Well, it looks like the evil twin came out again!":):) 28 years and still rocking...

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  21. Sound relationship advice. I've been in two adult relationships, totalling 29 years, and agree with everything you say.

    I like your outfit and not just in a fashion sense: it conveys personality. If I saw you walking down the street, I'd think you're an interesting person whom I'd like to get to know.

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  22. Complex subject. After one year of marriage, pretty much all husbands know ......:)))))

    No clear recipe for happy marriage..happy people are happily married too...if you are happy..you will be fine unless there is something terribly wrong with the spouse.

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  23. Tanvi, you look glorious in your clashing prints.
    There isn't any formula in a succesful relationship, we are all different and have varying expectations of what we want from a partnership. Jon and I have been together for 19 years and it's still as fresh as it was back in 1992, except I'm better dressed and he's got less hair. xxx

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  24. I totally agree with you on all the points. The never go to bed angry thing is totally a misconception, it is necessary to cool off before you let any crap come out of your mouth in a fit of anger. Been there, done that. Cooling off is the way to go!

    Love your the outfit, the dress specially!

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  25. So true - pick your battles! it's all about understanding and compromise.

    Eeee you got the bag! It's perfect with your dress!

    xoxo,
    Chic 'n Cheap Living

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  26. Oh, I'm saving all these points up for the near future:)

    You look lovely in stripes!

    xx

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  27. I love this outfit. The stripy dress is amazing. Xxxx

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  28. Lurrrvvvvvvveeee your maxi dress.....the whole silhouette is doing wonders for the look! :)

    The last pic is beautiful.....& as for the advice, sounds like great tips for any relationship!! :))

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  29. Beautiful dress. Love Maxi Dresses!! :D

    xx

    www.sickbytrend.com

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  30. I loved this post, so fresh and honest. I am nowhere near marriage, however I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years and we are just about to spend 4 weeks living in a 4x5m room when we have spent the entire year going it long distance! Sure it will be hard because we will have changed over that time but I'm sure that because we love each other we will bend and find our new equilibrium of being together.

    Thanks for the uplifting thoughts!
    xxxx

    flossyblossom.blogspot.com

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  31. lurveee that maxi and you look beutiful as ever:)

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  32. since i'm not married, I can't really say whether or not I agree but it does sound like pretty amazing advice! I really liked that you share your own experience & what works for you :)
    I think different things work for different couples, I'm the type that hardly ever stays angry for more than an hour or two so I'm usually not with high-drama guys. I dunno, we'll see what happens. I hope to be married one day not too far away.
    I love your bag & your outfit colors!
    xx

    http://charlesbgoode.blogspot.com

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  33. You look so unbelievably gorgeous in these photos, sweetie! You lit up my whole living room :)

    And I so agree with you on your marriage povs. I'm 25 years into my relationship and you are spot on!

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  34. nice tips!
    thou nothin is guaranteed...
    if two r happy they are blessed kind!

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  35. Even though I'm not married yet, I never like going to bed without clearing things up with my bf first. But now that I read what you've said, your advice would make more sense especially in marriages. Thanks!

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  36. We've gone to bed angry a few times over the last 5 years......and when we wake up, we usually don't even remember what we were so mad about! Sometimes, you just need to take a step back, get some distance and regain your perspective. Love this post almost as much as I love your outfit :)

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  37. if someone does so well in kindergarten...one can only wonder how super cool things would be when u graduate:-)

    loved the last fun filled pic the most...so you!:-)

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  38. Love the maxi Tanvi!
    Long way from getting married so can't comment on that!!

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  39. freat post Tanvi and also may I say this is my favourite outfit of yours. Love love love the dress.

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  40. great pictures and dress, especially number two from the bottom.

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  41. Had a blast reading this post. So true about the 'don't go to bed without resolving an arguement'- sometimes it's best to let things cool off and sleep on it. Love the previous post too. I get that a lot too, in India!

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  42. A. Tanvi, when you're done with items from your wardrobe, please donate it to me.

    B. I agree, I think it's best to agree to disagree until you can both think straight. I also love lists, so both people can make a list when they're thinking calmly, and go over said items on list instead of yelling at each other irrationally.

    C. Great advice!

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  43. Love the pic with all the accessories. I also love the entire look. Great advice as well!

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  44. love you vents! I will not say anything coz i ma not married yet. you look lovely though

    http://themashedup.blogspot.com/
    Lydz xX

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  45. love this outfit! beautiful colors! =)

    http://pinkchampagnefashion.blogspot.com/

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  46. Well said!!! Make mistakes, but learn not to repeat the same again.

    - Just my 2 cents :)

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  47. in any relationship, being generous,forgiving and forgetful helps, if nothing else :)

    Also, that polka dots top is wow!

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  48. 'Just go to bed' seems to work in a lot of relationships. I've seen it around a few couples and I think it's the most sensible thing to do. :D

    And, I think you look gorgeous, Tanvii. Love the dress!

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  49. Talking about relationships is my favorite subject AND I get paid for it. So I just lapped up your pointers. Your post = sage advice from a beautifully dressed kindergartener! One more thing to add: "Most issues we fight about are not as important as the relationship itself."
    Meetu D

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  50. I've gone to bed angry a few times and I am so glad I'm not the only one! Sometimes I'm just too tired to deal, and a fresh view makes all the difference. Phew, I thought I was the only one :)

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  51. Love your blog, and loving the colors of your skirt! Check me out sometime :)

    xx

    sftrend

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  52. i can't decide which i enjoyed more today...ur outfit or ur pearls of wisdom!

    i've only been married 2 years so i guess u can say im still a work in progress. the only valuable thing i've learnt so far is never to get ur hubby involved in any issues that u might have with his side of the family. he will never be able to take sides and be happy :P :P

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  53. I have been married for 7 and still a work in progress (hahaha).. just kidding.

    I love the mixture btw dots and strips..
    Amazing accessories Tanvi
    Lee x

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  54. great tips
    one I can add is letting the other person know what you want rather than expecting them to do mind reading
    I liked the last time also that you had worn this dress a very old post I think

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  55. I totally agree with you, Tanvi. Lately I've been seeing some major marriage problems in some friends of mine and what makes me sad is that it seems to be a lot about individual needs and wishes. A partnership or - even more - a family is not about individual satisfactions but about making something work together.

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  56. Wow 4 years!! That's awesome! I wouldn't really know because I'm not married, but when I get there, I'll put my two-cents in. Lol. :)

    I am really loving how you pattern & print blocked this outfit!!! It just works perfectly!!!

    p.s. I'm hosting a giveaway on my blog!!
    p.s.s did you see this weeks' Best Look of the Week? ;)

    xoxo,
    Mel

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  57. Love the bag!

    I must agree on most of your points on marriage. I am a strong believer of "picking your battles." Secondly, I think a "tit for tat" nature goes nowhere. It's silly and unnecessary! Lastly, I am not sure about the "Analyze-> filter-> process" part. Haha, I am quite straightforward so I usually lay things out the way they are. That being said, I always think there are ways to frame words into a more appropriate and sensible context!

    Clearly, I loved this post :)

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  58. Insightful post Tanvii! Learning how to be accommodating is important to any relationship. Congrats on the 4 years!

    Whether you're right or wrong in the battle, lol... Sometimes I even need to leave to to clear my head, and when I come back I usually have a different perspective.(that works for me).

    I love your print mixing outfit,you're looking fab!

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  59. Ok, so youve met my husband? LOL, Your list was perfect ..I could not have said it better!

    letsmakeadeal-us.blogspot.com

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  60. The last two points are sooo true..I couldn't agree more..I had no kinda filter whatsoever when I was a newly-wed! But now the key is Filter,filter,filter..well, you live, you learn :)

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  61. I have to confess: I've been here twice looking at your dress. Banana needs to re-release!

    xo,
    C
    ps-unmarried :)

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  62. I DONT HAVE A HUSBAND!!! :( ... but most of these things sound like really good advice to me hunny...even for relationships...

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  63. Love this dress of urs but liked it better when you had worn it with a jacket when traveling last year.

    Congrats on ur upcoming marriage anniversary! where are you traveling for the celebrations:-)

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  64. Choose your battles is always good advice! LOVE those gorgeous stripes!

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  65. Great tips Tanvi! I totally agree with never going to bed angry. Kiss and make up first! xo style, she wrote

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  66. Looking fab as always!
    hmm... I just registered into kindergarten then.. marked one year few months back :D
    The thing that works the most for me is *communication*. Whatever doubts, concerns, things bothering you..speak up! The other person is not a psychicto read your mind. :)

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  67. The colors of that dress look gorgeous on you! I love the layered prints, and that flower is so cheerful!

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  68. I LUST for that maxi!!
    Its so reminiscent of a Marni/Missoni piece.

    xx

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  69. I love your dress and how you've layered it w a sleeveless button down and belt. Very cute look! xo

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  70. i m neither married nor in a relationship ..will keep those tips in mind..
    what lovely dress.. and you styled it in a lovely way ..

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  71. I'm getting married in a few weeks and find this advice very helpful! Sweeet outfit!

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  72. Advisory tips well written.
    Marriage is all about love,adjustment and compromises.Need to leave behind our EGO and communicate.
    Looking pretty in that floweee dress.

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  73. i think you've got some great tips! i somewhat agree on the last one, but my husband doesn't! so, it's hard to know what to do on that one. :)

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  74. being married myself i would definitely have to agree with you. you must pick your battles and sometimes you have to just go to bed. and i don't think that means you're going to bed angry. i think it means you don't see a resolution right now so you might as well relax and take a nap. in the morning it will probably blow over.

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  75. First I love this outfit. You look amazing. I totally agree with your marriage advice. I think communication is key.

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  76. Very interesting thoughts.. Just like many other things in life, marriage is like sitting on a SEE SAW...a little up..a little down ..a little forward...a little forward..basically shuffle the butt here and there just to get that perfect balalance..

    Love the bag and the flower!! and as always..nice photographs!! :-)

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  77. LOVE that skirt! I definitely try not to go to bed angry ever, but I do see the value in a good night's sleep = clearer head in the morning :)

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  78. Loving how you mixed up the prints...the flower was a great addition as well! Definitely some great words of wisdom here-especially about picking your battles. If you don't pick carefully, you will easily be bickering with your mate everyday. I'm not married yet but this helps quite a bit!!

    http://thriftyandshameless.blogspot.com

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  79. Very well written Tans!

    Enjoyed this post....u write from ur heart and exactly whats on ur mind...no beating around the bush!

    Love that!!

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  80. Love the dots and stripes. So cute!

    http://tolookforstyle.blogspot.com

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  81. Hi! I participated in the EBEW challenge too! Love the print mixing!

    jemappelleshen.wordpress.com

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  82. This was a fun challenge, Love the mixing!! :)

    robyn of boluxe.wordpress.com

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  83. Great advice i've been married for 2 months and although we've been together for 6 years there's a lot of ebb and flow, give and take and constant adapting!

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  84. Tanvii! STUNNING. I love this EBEW look, one of my favorites. Everything about it is perfect - colors, style, pattern mixing...you look gorgeous.

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  85. Just popping over from EBEW. Love your entire outfit. Especially love that dress!

    I've been married 5 years this Friday and, even though I've learned a lot, I know I'm a total marriage rookie. But then again, nobody ever stops learning.

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  86. the outfit is rocking as always.....and the advice just perfect..infact this gives me an idea to write my next post....was contemplating this as one of my frnds is facing a similar situation these days......

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